My Money Mistake is a biweekly Piggyvest series that explores the worst money mistakes real Nigerians have made, and the lessons they learnt from it.
For this week’s episode of My Money Mistake, we spoke to a content writer living in Sango Ota who gives away half of her salary. She discusses her struggles with saying no, how this impacts her personal finances, and the steps she’s taking to manage her “impulse giving.”
Could you tell me about your money mistake?
I’m a compulsive giver. I wouldn’t call myself a people-pleaser, but I’m the type of person who always wants to help once I hear someone has a problem.
I’ve realised that I haven’t bought anything tangible for myself because I would rather give away a significant portion of my salary to others. I was feeling a bit burnt out this month and wanted to spend money on myself, but I started to do some calculations, which made me realise how much I had been giving away.
What kinds of requests do you receive, and to whom are you giving this money?
I live with my parents, so I don’t really have to deal with black tax. Most of my requests come from my friends, as many of them have not yet found jobs since we just graduated. I feel an obligation to help. However, the funniest thing is that most of the time, they aren’t even asking me for anything.
Interesting. Can you elaborate on that?
That’s my biggest problem. I don’t know how to say “no.” It’s a terrible habit. Most times, I’ll hear a friend complain or rant about an issue, and my immediate reaction is just to say, “Oh, send your account number.” It’s not because I’m trying to show off; it’s an impulse to help, even when my help isn’t needed. I’m trying to work on this, and I feel like people could have figured things out on their own without my help.
How does this habit of giving affect your personal finances?
I am very disciplined about saving. Every month when I get paid, I save about 50% of my income immediately. Since I live with my parents, saving is very easy for me.
However, my problem lies with the remaining 50% that I’m supposed to use for myself. I end up giving most of it away. This month, for example, the only things I spent the money on were data and transportation. I give out a lot of money, and when I recently sat down to look at my finances, I realised there should have been a limit to how much I give.
Why do you find it so difficult to say no?
I’m actually a very shy person, and I don’t know how to set boundaries or enforce them. When people come to me with a problem, I find it difficult to tell them I don’t have money. I used to internalise their issues and feel so terrible about their situation that I would just give in and give them the money.
My impulse isn’t to buy things for myself but to give to others, which is why I’m now trying to find a way to manage what I call my “impulse giving.”
So, what are the key lessons you’ve learnt, and what steps are you taking to change this habit?
The main lesson I learnt is that people will always find a way to sort themselves out if you don’t step in. I have now resolved to stop acting on impulse. I’m looking for an accountability partner, someone I can talk to before I make these kinds of decisions.
My goal is that if someone comes to me with an issue, I’ll take a moment to go for a walk and then come back to the situation with a clearer mind. Putting a break between the request and my decision can really help me regain my senses.
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