On The Money is a Piggyvest editorial series that explores the personal stories and lived experiences behind the data points in the annual Piggyvest Savings Report.
On this episode of On The Money, we spoke to Ekene*, a mid-thirties software consultant based in Lagos. Ekene candidly discusses the concept of ‘Black Tax’, being part of the Sandwich Generation, temporarily setting aside his dreams, as well as the complexities of familial financial obligations.
Tell us about your current family situation.
I’m from a family of five, and I’m the first boy. I have an elder sister and three younger ones. Likewise, my dad is the firstborn. He’s the leader; everyone else comes to him. However, to provide context, I’d like to discuss my dad’s generation, if that’s okay.
Please, go ahead.
After my grandfather died, my dad took over. My dad used to be a bricklayer, but he somehow managed to transition into civil engineering and construction. He became “Engineer” and started making money from securing contracts, building bungalows and duplexes. I remember I got into secondary school in 1998, and in 1999, my dad bought a car.
Love that.
He came to visit me at school with his new car. I didn’t even know it was my dad until they came to call me. I remember the excitement.
That’s how things started getting better, and since then, he’s been looking after everyone. He supported his siblings, who, I must say, were quite troublesome. One of his brothers, whom he had taken along in his construction business as a carpenter, started messing up the work and his reputation. Sometimes my dad would give him advance payments for roofing, and he would just take it and disappear.
That’s crazy!
Another one of my uncles drove big trucks and was fond of stealing the goods he was transporting. He would carry the trucks, discharge them somewhere else, and gather people to come and break the trucks, so it would appear as if he had been in an accident.
Wait, what?
He’d prefer they come and arrest him. Then, after he’s free, he starts spending the money. It required my father to bail him out multiple times, incurring significant financial costs.
Once, he discharged an entire container of diesel. By the time the report got to my dad, he had spent two days in a police cell. My dad came to Lagos from the East to bail him out. They also reached an agreement that he’d be paying in instalments, and that’s how they released my uncle.
That’s actually unhinged.
After he was let go from that job, he found another one driving 40-foot containers carrying goods and continued doing the same thing. He would sell half of the goods at rest stops and use some of them to give away to the women he met at these places.
Of course, he was arrested again. They took him to the station and he nearly died. They hung the guy upside down. The police contacted the woman he was living with at the time, and she informed my dad.
The poor man.
He had just finished paying off the other debt, and this one came up again. They wouldn’t release him until he’d made the payments. So my uncle spent about five months in detention.
A third uncle was arrested for allegedly stealing from his boss. He did an apprenticeship (nwaboi), and then he was settled. But before his settlement, his boss accused him of stealing his money and detained him.
My father had to travel to Lagos with all his cash tied around his waist for safety. He also had to involve our council chairman to secure his release. My dad took over from him, by the way, and is now the chairman.
So that man took him to where my uncle was detained. My uncle said he knew nothing about the theft. But the agreement was that they had to pay regardless. So my dad paid some money and agreed to a payment plan. Luckily, this uncle is the only one doing well, even though he’s extremely egotistical.
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It must have been a lot for your dad to handle.
Honestly, my dad regrets the things he did for his brothers because none of them looked back to say, “Thank you.” He says he wouldn’t have done all these things he did if he had known this was how life was going to treat him. He didn’t save money. He wasn’t able to build his dream home or start big businesses. He wasted all the money trying to save his brothers. And that burden is what has been transferred to me.
Does this mean you expected to be in this breadwinner position, or did it still take you by surprise?
I wasn’t expecting this, because from a childlike perspective, I thought since they had time and jobs, they would be okay. But I was wrong. All the responsibilities have been transferred to me. Only one sibling, the uncle who lives in Lagos, managed to escape the rat race.
What do your expenses look like in a typical month?
When I got my job in 2022, I worked in Osun State. But I’ve since been transferred to Lagos. Back then, I would spend three weeks on site and one week in Lagos with my family. I had just gotten married, and so our expenses weren’t that much. My wife could barely exhaust ₦50,000 in a month, and things were better then.
But let’s rewind to 2020, when my father was attacked in the village. During a robbery, one of the attackers struck him on the head with a machete. He nearly died; he spent over six weeks in the ICU. In that time,I spent about ₦4 million. But that was only the beginning of many health issues for him—bleeding in the brain, partial stroke, prostate issues, and all of that. So that’s where we are now.
That’s terrible.
Since 2020, I’ve been spending so much on his medical bills. And now, I have two children, plus my weekly obligations to send money to him. Sometimes, it gets really overwhelming, and I have to keep dodging him.
But for my immediate family, we don’t spend too much in a month—about ₦100,000 on average. Sometimes it goes higher than that, and that’s because of baby food, diapers and other expenses. This is also aside from bulk food purchases. So, if I add what I send to my dad for his hospital check-ups, upkeep, and in-law tax in a month, that would be between ₦300,000 and ₦350,000 every month.
How much do you make?
About ₦1.1 million net.
Does this mean you have funds leftover to save and invest?
Ideally. However, it hasn’t worked out that way, no matter how well I plan. Every time I save up a bit of money, that’s the same time he’ll be rushed to the hospital. Before you know it, I’ll have to cough up a random ₦600,000. How much does that leave me with?
At some point, I decided to allocate ₦350,000 to ₦380,000 for emergency expenses and invest the rest in savings. Yet, at some point, I’ll end up breaking the investments and savings because I can’t afford to borrow. In some months, I will spend my entire salary, and even run into a deficit. It is a real burden.
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That’s tough.
My dad has always relied on me to come through because he has no one else to turn to except me. When someone hears ₦1 million, they think it’s a big sum, but it’s nothing. The responsibilities are as significant as the money.
So, you can imagine that in a month, I will have spent that ₦1 million. Yes, I can spend it. At some point, I even run into a deficit. My account will go negative for that month. So it is a considerable burden.
Aside from the financial stress, how does being sandwiched between all these responsibilities affect you emotionally?
I have mixed feelings about it. I feel very proud of myself for doing all these things. But sometimes I feel really sad that I can’t do some personal things. I have to plan strategically for my personal expenses.
So sometimes I also feel like, “This is my cross. If that’s how it’s been designed, no problem.” That’s why having multiple streams of income is important, especially for those of us who are in paid employment. So, if this one is gone, you can always lean on another one.
Do you currently have multiple streams of income?
I work at a consulting firm, so I barely have enough time for myself and my family. I’m always working. I try to do some consulting and other side deals, but nothing concrete has happened yet. However, I believe the situation will improve soon. Perhaps, some kind of breakthrough, looking at the level of hard work that has been put in. Because I believe that the harder you push, the closer you are to your breakthrough.
Do you feel pressured sometimes?
Yes o. There’s a lot of pressure.
Is it internal, societal, or both?
I’m not really the kind of person who feels societal pressure because I know that everybody has their own timings. So I’m not worried about society. I’m worried about being able to handle my issues. It’s more of a personal, internal pressure.
You talked about making sacrifices. What are some things you’ve given up to be able to take care of your loved ones?
There are some exams that I was supposed to have taken, and some expensive certifications that I should have obtained, but couldn’t. My office takes care of my trainings, but they don’t take care of certifications.
I still intend to do them when things get lighter. Some personal trips and family outings, taking them home during festive periods, things like that. Even when you’ve saved, when the time comes, the money isn’t sufficient.
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So, how do you then unwind?
Unwind? Is there time for that? Well, my wife and I just try to create our own happiness. Instead of that planned trip, we can just subsidise it and make it like a weekend getaway. Just go to a hotel and discuss, away from the problems.
That makes sense. Have you ever considered moving abroad, to seek “greener pastures”?
As a matter of fact, yes. If an opportunity comes now, I’ll move. I want my wife to be done having kids before we can plan properly. It’s not something I have to rush into. It has always been a strategic decision for me.
What’s one thing about being a breadwinner that most people don’t understand?
I don’t blame the guys who say they don’t want to get married, because in marriage, there’s a lot of pressure. When people say, “You don’t marry who you love, you love who you marry,” it’s true.
At some point, pressure from the marriage, in-laws, and even your family will hit you very hard. So if you’re not prepared to take up that leadership role, as the man of the house, it’s going to wear you down. Marriage might look sweet from the outside, but on the inside, it’s real. I’ve always told my wife that marriage is not necessarily designed to make you happy, it’s designed to make you better.
Do you feel appreciated for all your efforts?
Oh yes. My dad’s friends always praise me whenever I’m around them. They pray for me and tell me to keep up the good work. You see real joy and excitement on their faces, and my dad is very appreciative. He tells me things, draws me closer and tries to guide me so I don’t make the same mistakes he made.
My wife has always been the best, too. She manages pressure and shows gratitude like it’s nothing.
Looking ahead, do you plan to remain the sole breadwinner? Or are there plans for your wife to share the load with you?
That’s a very good question. I actually plan to retire early. I intend to work for twenty years, and so far, I’ve been working for ten years. So ten more years to go. My long-term goal is to start a business.
I also don’t plan to be the sole breadwinner forever, because I’ve always wanted to establish my wife. She’s business-oriented. She loves business, and I know the kind of business she wants to do. Right now, she’s still postpartum and she’s also taking time to develop her business acumen and get some training. So by the time she’s ready, then the finances will also be ready.
What’s your hope or plan for your children’s financial future?
I think it’s Bishop T.D. Jakes that said, “It’s not about what you leave for your children, but it’s about what you leave in them.” I’ll try as much as possible to point my kids in the right direction, so they can see the reality of things. I’m more interested in building and positioning my kids so that they don’t turn out to be the only breadwinner or rich person in their circle.
You’ve been working for ten years. If you could go back those ten years, are there any things that you would have done differently?
Nothing really. Maybe have the exposure and knowledge that I have now. Some 10 – 15 years ago, I had some cousins who felt they had “arrived” and made me feel like a burden. Fast-forward to today, I’m better off than most of them. So, I wish I had known earlier that these things don’t matter. I wish I had a different orientation like the one I have now.
To retire early, you need to attain a certain level of financial freedom. What would you say that financial freedom looks like or means to you?
My friend would say that, “This life is sweet when you ‘hold’”. Life is enjoyable when you have funds. Financial freedom starts with financial literacy, knowing how to grow your money. So once I’m able to grow my money and then afford whatever I want and need, I think primarily that, to me, is financial freedom.
Do you see this happening for you in ten years, like you’ve planned?
Yes. Hopefully. A lot of things that have been dragging are easing up little by little. Soon, I’ll have room to plan, and then position myself in the direction I’ve always wanted to go.
What’s your take on Black Tax, as someone in the Sandwich Generation?
I have always been the guy who looks back home. So I think that it’s nice to support your family. But that mentality of entitlement has engulfed our people. If you start sending money and then stop, it becomes a problem.
So, it’s not a problem if you want to send money back home. However, if you don’t have enough, I suggest you first deal with your issues. You just have to find a balance.
What advice would you give someone currently in or entering this “sandwich generation” phase?
There are some things that you can’t shy away from. But my people also say, “It’s not the firstborn that buries the parent, it’s the person that has the money.” So, if at any point, you’re unable to provide, then rest. Don’t go bankrupt because you’re trying to help everybody.
So if you can do both, you do both. And if you can’t, choose one. For me, I choose my immediate family.
