On The Money is a PiggyVest editorial series that explores the personal stories and lived experiences behind the data points in the annual Piggyvest Savings Report.
Perfect Madume is a 29-year-old new mum living in Port Harcourt. In this recent conversation with Piggyvest, Perfect talks about the invisible labour of being a stay-at-home mum, managing her family’s finances, her plans to return to work, and her goals for the future.
How long have you been a mom?
Since July 2024. I have an eight-month-old daughter.
Describe a typical day in your life since you had your baby.
My day officially starts when my daughter wakes up, usually between 7 a.m. and 8 a.m. My first task of the day is to look for something to fill her tummy because my madam has to eat before anything else.
My major task of the day is giving her a bath and getting her prepared for the day. Once done, we take on the day, which is mostly a blur of chores—laundry, cooking, cleaning, and putting the house together. She’s a very active baby, and she moves about quite a lot, so I spend the entire day playing with her and running after her. It sounds fun, but it’s very draining.
A lot of repetitive tasks, I presume.
It’s the same thing over and over again. At night, we take another bath and settle in around 10 p.m. Except for Sundays when we go to church or days when we go out to visit or run errands, every other day is the same.
As a stay-at-home mum, you’re always on the clock. What is this experience like?
It’s incredibly physically and mentally exhausting. To be honest, I find myself complaining a lot because it’s hard. Newer mums might get more support and encouragement than older women who just had to chin up and keep going. It doesn’t make it less hard, though.
I’m in awe of our mothers who had many children; my mum had seven kids, and I don’t know how she survived. I now understand why our mothers never seemed to like resting. There’s something to be done, and if we don’t do it, no one else will.
As a new mum, how do you maintain your relationships, connections, hobbies, and social circles?
It’s almost impossible. My phone doesn’t ring, and nobody checks in on me or breezes by the house to say hello. My circle has practically become a dot. But it’s fine; I know life is happening to all of us.
I used to enjoy going to the movies, but now that’s just a dream. Sewing was also my hobby, and I hope I can pick it back up. It gets lonely, but I know it’s just a phase.
I imagine it would be hard to prioritise self-care amidst all this.
I’m not all that intentional about self-care anymore, to be honest. I look homeless most of the time. My cornrows are currently screaming at me to take them out, but I’m already stressed thinking of how to take my daughter to the salon.
But I’m still trying to regain my identity. I’ve started saying affirmations every day, reading more, and trying to learn from those who have gone through the same things as me.
Aside from the substantial physical, mental and social toll, how has being a stay-at-home mum affected you emotionally?
Hmm. I am or was a fashion designer before pregnancy and motherhood. Whenever I think of my life before—attending my fashion classes, cutting patterns, how easily I would wake up in the morning and jump on my machine to start getting a customer’s clothes ready, even on an empty stomach—I feel down.
Sometimes, I feel like my life has slowed down. It’s like I’m stuck in a place, and my life is not moving forward. There’s also the financial stress. I don’t have any source of income right now, and because money is only coming from one source, I feel really sad.
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Do you sometimes feel jealous or resentful of your husband being able to continue his life as usual?
I won’t say resentful. Nobody put me in this situation; I made choices that brought me here. But I definitely feel jealous of him. The day after I gave birth, I finally looked in the mirror and couldn’t recognise myself. Then my husband walked into our room with his fresh face and clean senator outfit. There I was, sore and stitched up from my episiotomy, and he was just chilling and looking good. Meanwhile, we both made this baby together.
So real. Do you sometimes feel underappreciated for your sacrifices?
Underappreciated, no. I know I’m fortunate to have a partner who is happy with providing while I figure out my next steps. But generally, I don’t think women can be appreciated enough for what we go through; for putting our lives and bodies on the line to birth children. Then, after that, having to keep going despite trying to heal and battling any pregnancy or postpartum complications.
He reassures me and says, “You’re doing amazing. I see you. We’ll figure it out together.” I feel appreciated, but I’m open to being appreciated even more. You can’t buy this kind of sacrifice. And no matter how loving or progressive your husband is or how much he tries, he can’t really understand. Only other mums can relate.
What are some skills you’ve developed since becoming a mum?
Patience. That’s major. I used to cry whenever things weren’t going my way; I would get irritated and storm out of an uncomfortable situation. But tantrums are pointless with a baby because it’s not like she knows wrong from right. Now, I just take a deep breath and push through.
Another skill I’ve honed is the ability to multitask. The other day, I came back from the market and immediately started cooking, putting things away, and attending to my home at the same time. I finished everything around 11:00 p.m. Sometimes, my body tells me I’m tired, but my mind reminds me that I have to get these things done.
How do you juggle childcare with strenuous errands like market runs?
Well, I buy in bulk, so that type of errand is not common. I probably won’t need to shop for another three to four months. My husband is away most of the time; he spends one month offshore and two weeks with us. We do our bulk shopping when he’s in town. He was in the car with our daughter this time while I entered the market. It wasn’t that bad.
Given that your husband is solely responsible for the family’s finances, how do you divide household chores?
Sharing household chores has never been an issue since we married. He’s a very homely man and hands-on at home whenever he’s around. I use him to the fullest once he’s home, but I also try to give him time to rest and recharge. I try to be considerate, too. However, he doesn’t complain and helps me whenever I ask. He’s just really helpful.
How does it feel being dependent on your husband financially?
It doesn’t feel great, and I sometimes feel sad, but it’s the situation we found ourselves in.
And how do you deal with these feelings?
I just take each day as it comes. There’s not much I can do right now to change things, but that doesn’t stop me from feeling somehow every time I have to ask him for money to get something we need.
If I’m lucky, I get cash from other sources and don’t need to ask. When my husband finds out I spent money on something, he reimburses me. But nothing beats having your own money.
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What is your role in managing your household’s finances?
I’m in charge of planning how we spend. It’s easy because my husband is very transparent about his earnings once he gets his paycheck. My job is to create a budget and let him know what needs to be done, expenses that should be prioritised, and things that can take a back seat. I remind him of his personal expenses and commitments and ensure that we don’t mismanage the funds. I’m practically the money manager of our home.
Smart. How do you have these conversations about money?
They happen naturally. It’s never hard or a big deal to talk about finances in our home. When he’s home, we just bring it up in conversation, or if it requires serious deliberation, we bring it up and discuss it. When he’s away, we can text or talk on the phone if we have any questions or concerns. There’s no friction whatsoever talking about money.
As the “money manager”, do you often have to sacrifice your wants for the greater good?
Most definitely. My sister used to tell me that with motherhood, you would have to forget about yourself for a while. But now I understand. I also feel bad having to ask my husband for every single thing, so I forgo quite a lot.
For instance, I could use the money I set aside for new clothes or skincare to restock diapers because I feel bad—the things we do for love.
What’s the saving and investing culture like in your family?
The problem is that every time I start saving for a rainy day, it rains that afternoon. But I’m really good with money. My siblings keep money with me because they know I’m prudent and diligent with money. It’s just that I don’t earn anything for now, so my cash is limited anyway. But my husband always tries to set aside some money for emergencies, and he does a good job of that.
Are you planning to return to work anytime soon?
We often discuss going back to work. Trust me, my blood is hot. But I also know that my baby is still too small, and I can’t execute any plans until she starts crèche after she has clocked one.
So, I recently started creating content to break out of that feeling of laziness and idleness while waiting. I started an Instagram account to document my life as a new mum finding myself and trying to build a relatable community of people like me. That’s my way of enjoying this phase, and I’m glad because I’m learning new things along the way.
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Do you have any intentions to grow this platform?
Not initially. It was just a therapeutic outlet. But the more I post, the more I learn. I started in November, and I’ve really grown a lot. I’ve become better at editing and designing using Canva, so I know there’s potential for more growth.
I plan to take content creator courses and get really good, eventually. The skillset would be handy when I resume my fashion business, and monetising would be a nice plus.
Tell us about your career as a fashion designer before becoming a mum.
I started my fashion career in 2017, but I was using it to pass the time because I was planning to go for NYSC. Fast-forward to 2019, and I got frustrated and needed to make money and do something with my life. So, I enrolled in a six-month course just to have a skill and make money.
I opened for business in 2019 and continued sewing until 2023. I was no VeekeeJames, but I was doing okay. I spent those four years learning the ins and outs of the industry. I had good clients, but there were still others trying to pay peanuts. I could tell it was because I was not a big name or able to sew all the different trendy styles. So I was in the process of upgrading my skillset when I got pregnant.
How long did you continue working after you conceived?
Immediately after I got married in 2023, I enrolled in fashion school. Well, kind of. They were not accepting new intakes then, but I was offered an internship. I took up the offer while waiting for the next admission cycle.
I interned for only a few weeks before I had to stop because I got pregnant, and my first trimester was a rollercoaster. I thought I could go back after my first trimester, but to be sincere, it was difficult.
How much did you typically earn every month from your fashion business?
It fluctuated a lot. I would earn anything from ₦50,000 to ₦ 100,000, but there were really bad months when I would make ₦30,000. Sometimes you’re on a high, and other times you’re down low.
I could get jobs back to back in one month and make enough money to save. Then, the next month, I would struggle to get customers and end up making outfits for myself so that I could advertise my designs to other people.
How do you plan to revive your fashion design career?
I’ve been out of the game for a bit, so I plan to return to fashion school to upgrade my skills. My husband has encouraged me to hang on until our daughter starts crèche. But the truth is that this will only be smooth or possible if I have help. My options are getting domestic help at home so that I can focus on my career, or getting someone to help with my business when I finally start sewing again. But that’s after my daughter joins a crèche.
Based on your research, how much will enrolling your daughter in a crèche cost?
I haven’t done proper research because I’m not ready, but I’ve made some enquiries. The crèches in my estate cost slightly above ₦100,000 for the initial payment. This also includes registration and other costs. I’m not sure what subsequent payments are like, but that’s all I’ve found out.
Considering all these factors and comparing the value of your labour as a full-time caregiver, would you say staying home is financially justified?
To an extent, it’s justified. It’s not like I enjoy not working; if we had excess money, I would’ve already enrolled my daughter in a crèche. Restarting my career will cost money, and there’s no guarantee that I will earn a lot of money starting out.
I also greatly value the time I spend with my daughter, and this arrangement is more cost-effective for our family. But I’m definitely going back to work to make more money for our family in the long run.
Apart from restarting your business, what long-term financial goals do you have for your family?
I want my husband to have a bigger and better job or role, side businesses and passive income for our family, a thriving fashion career, stable enough finances to give my daughter a great education, and maybe more kids.
